I just feel really used up lately.  And a little lost, too.

Work is probably the biggest thing.  I hate having things up in the air.  I suspect that they are going to lose that position, and I am going to be out of a job.  I have already started putting in applications, but my search is limited by location.  There are only two hospital systems in the area, and neither of them have part time positions in my field.  Plenty of full time positions.  A few PRN positions, which do not offer insurance.  Nothing in between.  I do not want to work full time, and we really need the benefits.

I started actually trying to restrict my calories this week.  And I finally stepped on a scale.  I am down a couple of pounds, which is good.  But the thing with dieting is that I always seem to feel hungry.  And I have to have the hungry feeling in order to lose weight.

Added to that is the fact that I just do not have the energy to keep up with little guy at times.  It does not help that he has been clingy today.  He has to be around mommy.  I hope it is nothing serious.

Why does health insurance have to be so difficult?  I just want information.  But I still have to put my phone number in the form in order to even get an online quote.  I do not actually want to talk to anyone, and I am not interested in buying anything at the moment.  Why do I have to get a million calls about it?  If I want to talk to someone I will call them.  Do not call me!

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but it is hard when I am feeling so empty right now.  I hate not having work.  It makes me feel lost.  It is also a break from being mommy.  Sigh.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jessica
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 23:53:24

    I’d feel drained too with all of that hanging above my head. Hopefully something happens soon, so you at least know where you stand with everything. *hugs*


  2. andrea
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 02:44:41

    i could have written this about 6/9 months ago (minus the nurse job part). it is so hard to feel that way – AND still be a functioning member of your family/society.
    huge hugs to you, and answers!


  3. Geochick
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 15:27:36

    Here from Stirrup Queens. I hope your wishes all come true. Especially the paycheck! It sounds so stressful to not know what’s going on with your job. Good luck.


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