Nope, still nothing.

This will be my third mother’s day with my child.  I still want to hide from all the Mother’s day stuff.  I cannot deal with all the fuss made over this day.

I decided that I am going to hide, again  I am not going to church.  I am not going out to eat.  I plan on going for a fun run Sunday morning.  It is our Run Like a Mother fun run, and it is mostly people I run with regularly so it will be very low key, and the one thing I want to do for myself.

But yet..

I still feel like I should do something more.  I am a mother, and I waited a long time to get here.  I should celebrate the fact that I am a mother.

But the Hall.mark card version of the holiday just does not work for me.  I do not want to be a part of the worshiping at the altar of motherhood.  Maybe that is my problem with Mother’s Day.  It celebrates a version of motherhood which does not exist.

Mothers are not saints.  It is not all pretty rainbows and sunshine.  Life does not work what way.

Mothers can be self-sacrificing, but we do not have to like it.  Mothers get bitter and angry and depressed and frustrated.  Mothers are human, after all.  Motherhood is messy, involves a lot of sleep deprivation, and is generally very hard work.

But it is a good gig, despite all of that.

I enjoy seeing my son laugh and run and play.  It gives me a lot of satisfaction to know that he is a happy child.  And I have worked hard to make it possible for him to be happy.  (I have an intense toddler boy, so things are not so easy.)

I refuse to give up who I am as a person just because I am a mother.  If I want to do something, I will do it myself.  I do not have to have my son do it for me.  He is his own person and will have his own interests.  I will not give my whole life over to my child.  I continually struggle to balance who I am with motherhood. (And it is tough, since my son is in toddler-hood now, so he is a total time suck!)

Maybe for Mother’s day I would really like my individuality recognized.  Celebrate me as a person, not just as a mother.  I am also a nurse, a contemplative, a romance addict, a runner, an open infertile, and an owner of two Great Danes.  There is a lot more to me than motherhood.  I am still a person who happens to be a mother.

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jamie
    May 13, 2012 @ 02:33:21

    I agree. Mother’s Day means a lot to me because there was a long time that I thought I would always celebrate it as a daughter. Now it opens a lot of old wounds. You are right – the Hallmark version doesn’t really do motherhood justice.

    Reply

  2. Kristin
    May 15, 2012 @ 14:30:54

    No mother is perfect. And I certainly have found out the hard way that sometimes I don’t even like being a mother, despite all the $$$ spent to get there. But most of the time I think it’s pretty awesome…and it was nice having a day where, for once, hubby didn’t expect laundry done or dinner cooked!

    Reply

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