Tuesday feels like a Monday this week.

And what a craptastic day it was. too.

I am now left tired, confused, and generally tired of the world working against me.

I had to go to a job I did not like.  And of course, I was in periphery again today.  If they really needed a periphery nurse, they should have hired one.  They should not have hired an OR nurse to do discharges all the time.  Even if I am apparently pretty good at it, according to my co-workers.  I still hate it.  I am even beginning to dread going to work because I just know I am going to be in periphery again.  I want to be in the OR, where I thought I was hired to.  Something has got to change.

While at work today, I got the info that a co-worker put in her resignation in order to go work in the OR at the hospital I applied for.  It sounds an awful lot like the job I interviewed for.  But when I emailed the person I interviewed with, she emailed back that she will make a decision on that position by the end of the week.  I have a sinking suspicion I did not get the job, though.  My co-worker’s resignation and future place of work just seem like too much of a coincidence.

Which makes me really frustrated.  Apparently I am good enough to interview, but bot good enough to hire.  I have been on several interviews, but have gotten no job offers.  I have no idea what I am doing wrong.  Or what is going on.  But it is making me miserable.  I am tired of being rejected by job after job.  It is not helping my depression at all.  Being rejected from an OR job which I was qualified for is the worst, though.  It just seemed like such a good fit.

There is another opening in the same OR, and I applied for that position, too.  It is pretty much the same.  I will also keep looking.  That seems to be all I can do.  Damn it.  I hate the job search.

Rationally, I know not everything was bad.  I discovered a new breakfast this morning, I got to leave work on time.  I actually do have a job which gives me health insurance.  I have a son who loves me, and a husband who supports me and loves me too.  We are working on moving to a house which will work better for us.  There are good things going on.

But the depression really gets in the way.  It is really hard to fight in the face of all the rejection I seem to be facing lately.  And to top it off, I can feel AF on her evil way.

Let us just say it is not a good time of the month.


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