If…Then…

If I accomplish this, then I can do that.

If I get under 200 pounds, I can try for a second child.  My RE really wants me to be under 20o pounds before trying FET. I will be healthier and better able to carry a pregnancy.

What this means to me is that I do not want to try again until I am under 200 pounds.  Thus the weight loss attempt.  Which is going, but not very fast at all.

According to my NP, I do not have any thyroid problems, and all my labs look great.  But with effort, I have only lost 7 pounds in the past 6 months.  That is trying to lose weight.  I am exercising, counting calories, cutting back on bread and grains, eating more vegetables, trying to drink more water.  I am doing everything “right” (well, mostly.  I do still have cheat days.)  But I cannot get the number on the scale to move.  I am stuck on the same number.

I wanted to try again in April, but I had barely lost any weight at all at that point, so it was a no-go for me.  I want to try this fall, but that is not going to be possible with this rate of weight loss.  At this rate, it is not likely to happen at all before I am forty.  I really wanted to try before I turned 40, and it looks like I am going to have to let that go.  Which makes me very sad because as time passes, the chances of a successful cycle decrease.

With the weight loss, I am almost at the point of “why bother?”  It does not seem to matter what I do.  I am stuck at this weight, and I do not want to be at this weight.

My body is working against me, too.  I have polycystic ovarian syndrome.  (Which was the reason I started with infertility stuff in the first place.)  Unfortunately this means that I have a hard time losing weight, thanks to insulin resistance which turns any carbs into fat..

I am tired of fighting my biology.  I am tired of time passing without much change in the scale, despite the changes in my life and diet.

If I cannot lose the weight, than I cannot try for another child.

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