Summer Break and August…

Apparently I needed a summer break from my blog, as I have not posted in quite a while.  I applaud everyone who has stuck with me.  Y’all are a dedicated group.  (Or just too lazy to take me out of your reader, whatever.)

Summer has been good, except August.  I decided to run a half marathon, which I wanted to do but thought it was too far in the future.  I started training for it in July and signed up for it last week.  Little Guy started Montessori school this week, so there have been a lot of changes there.  We added a St bernard puppy (1 year old) to the pack, and it is mostly working.  We need  to work on some food aggression issues, but some of those may resolve in time.

But August…August always seems to suck for me.  I try not to start anything of make any big decisions in August.  When August started I had a bad feeling, and it did not really go away.  I was just waiting for something to happen, as there was nothing obvious.

All August I have felt like a failure.  Hubby has been complaining about a lot of things I have been doing, like long runs on the weekend and call on the weekends and appointments.  I felt bad about that, and I got tired of hearing him complain.  Once I stopped having appointments, that got better, though.

This month I also considered not writing on my blog anymore.  Some of the bloggers I read love to write, and you can tell by the way they use their words and what they write that they love to write.  Writing to me is hard.  This month I was not sure I even enjoyed it.  But the blog is for me, and I do not have to post all that often if I do not want to.  I would like to get to the point where I am posting more often, maybe a couple of times a week but I cannot figure that out right now.  I put a lot of effort into caring for myself, and I need to figure out where blogging fits with that.  I think that it does, but I may need to change how I do it.  I am just really discouraged.  I think it is just the time of the year.

And then at work I rubbed some of our robotic surgeons the wrong way.  The problem seems to be that my personality and my communication skills offend and/or annoy them.  I think I am a bit of a city girl at heart, or maybe it is the women’s college education.  I can come off as rude, pushy, and a smart-ass.  Well, the smart ass is definitely true.  And I am rather direct, and sometimes I give more info than needed.  Some of the surgeons feel I disrespected them by my comments in the room.  I get that, but some of that is part of my personality.  I could probably learn to tone it down a bit, and try to be more tactful.  But I am never going to be soft spoken.

The one thing which pisses me off about the situation is that no one told me until over a week after they kicked me out of the room.  I was in there regularly and then all of a sudden, I am not in there any more.   And no one would tell me why.  That pisses me off more than original complaint.  Why did we not discuss this at the beginning of the summer when I suspect that all of this started to come out? Why did no one come to me then, when the problem was small?  What they are complaining about is difficult to change without feedback in the moment.  Often I do not know what I am saying or my filter is off.  I need to know what it was when it happened, or at least close to the event.

Another thing I am considering is whether my personality is suited to working with the gyn group.  Much of what the docs are complaining about has to do with personality, which is pretty hard to change.  On the other hand, the general surgeons deal well with me as I am, and I like working with the people on that team.  I actually had a good day today with a picky general surgeon, and he had a huge case on today.  The case went smoothly and part of it was work I did.  I have also been spending a lot of time in urology, and I have always sort of liked urologists.  Vascular is interesting to me, and there are good people on that team, and the vascular surgeons are really nice.  And I could learn a new specialty.  So I have options if I decide to leave.

I think no matter whatI choose to do,I will likely talk to some of the surgeons, even if I do not stay with the service.  I am still on the robotics team, and will likely be in there again at some point.  The OR is just not that large.  I just cannot do it while it is still August. My mojo is bad right now.

Oh, and did I mention that it is coming up on AF’s visit?  That does not help matters.

I just want August to be over.  Things can only get better from here, right?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kristin
    Sep 05, 2013 @ 18:31:27

    Hope things start looking up for you. When you are a direct person, it is hard when people aren’t direct back with you. I understand that.

    BTW, what 1/2 did you sign up for? Hokie Half?


    • vablondie
      Sep 05, 2013 @ 23:22:08

      Thanks Kristin! Things are better. Period started, and I switched specialties so I get along with the surgeons better.
      Oh, and I signed up for the Hokie Half! That is the one!


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