Waiting.

And trying not to obsess over symptoms!

According to NYU Fertility Center, if the embryo stuck, there should be HCG in my bloodstream now.

I suspect that many of my symptoms could still be put down to the PIO injections.  Progesterone is rough.  I get nausea and fatigue and breast tenderness.

Friday I woke up queasy and did not really want any protein right away.  I just had cereal and strawberries.   That and a few saltines got me through lunch.  It was a crazy day at work, and I was pretty much done by the time I got home.  My feet hurt, I was hungry and thirsty and tired.  I was scrubbed all afternoon in a tough laparoscopic colectomy with a tempermental surgeon.  (My week has been really weird, and it has been hard to take it easy as work was fairly demanding.)

I did not wake up queasy this morning, but child really wanted to eat cereal with me for breakfast.  So that is what I had.  I did get some queasiness this afternoon, though.

I am hoping, but trying not to get my hopes up too high.  It may not have worked.  I may have to go through all of this again.  This is also the time in my cycle where I feel like I would rather not have to do this again.  I am putting warm compresses over my IM injection site bruises, and really feeling the effects of the progesterone.  I really hope this stuck.

I have been rather open about what is happening at work.  I have people at work who are rooting for me, and I suspect that my mother’s friends are praying for me.  None of that is a bad thing.  But that also means that the highs and lows are out there for everyone to see, too.  I think people are a little surprised that I am not that excited about the process. I am actually pretty nervous about it.  I talk about it some to my co-workers.  (And I suspect that some of them may be praying for me too.)   They also do not understand that it is not a sure thing.  It is pretty much a crapshoot.  I have been fairly reserved and I have to explain to people that I really do not know if it worked or not.

Beta is Monday  We will know one way or the other early next week,

I have also been dreaming a little….Researching changing jobs while pregnant (should my job application finally go through.)…researching day care options for baby should I get the other job.  Trying to guess how long I would need to be out of work (probably about 6 weeks as I know I am going to have a c-section).

I am also thinking about Gertrude.  I hope that she left me when she did because she knew something that I did not.  It would have been nice to have her at least until I got the beta back.  But that did not happen.  I hope she is watching over me as I go through this.

Small tangent:  I really miss Gertrude.  It is strange not giving medicine to the dogs before they eat.  Oscar needed meds for years, and then Gertrude needed meds as she got older.  I think about that every time I feed the dogs.  Macie and Rocky are great dogs and really help the grieving process.  They area always available for cuddles and petting.  It is nice to not have an empty house.

All of this dreaming is moot if the beta comes back negative.   I don’t POAS any more.  I can wait, and would rather wait for bad news, anyhow.

The waiting is definitely the hardest part.

 

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