Down, down, down.

I wish I could find some time to just fall apart.

It has been a rough couple of weeks.  Turning 40, single embryo transfer, my dog dying, failed cycle.  Not to mention the impending period.

I also have not heard from the job I applied for, which makes me think that they may not want to fill it, or they are just really slow.  I am not sure which.  I may just let it go, and if they get back to me, that is cool.  If not, I am fine where I am, mostly.  (Though it would be a great job.)

I also may have to give up my ideal family of 4, and simply be a family of 3.  I know that I am lucky to have one child.  I think it is awesome that we have one, and he is great.  But I really want another, and I would love to be able to give Child a sibling.  But it may not be possible.  That is something I need to be more comfortable with.  I think that once these embryos are gone, I am done.  It is hard seeing that the end is so close.

So I am generally in a negative place right now where nothing seems to be working or moving forward. 

Right now, I think I need time before trying another FET.  Some time to get myself together.  Some time to allow myself to fall apart a little.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Blanche
    Apr 30, 2014 @ 14:19:41

    Hugs to you. This is all so hard.

    Reply

  2. circlesbecomeme
    Apr 30, 2014 @ 16:30:39

    Oh… I just found your blog through your kind comment on my blog… I was so hoping to come over to celebrate with you….

    I hope you have whatever you need as you need to deal with this blow on top of losing your dog. Oh wow, that is a huge double whammy! Hugs to you.

    Reply

    • vablondie
      May 01, 2014 @ 15:33:02

      Thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate the support. I hope that your beta comes out better than mine.

      Reply

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