Can’t sleep

My brain will not turn off, and my shoulder hurts.  I am hoping that if I lay it all out here I will feel better.

For some reason my shoulder feels like it has a muscle cramp right over the left scapula.  It really hurts.  I think I am too used to getting in our hot tub every night.  It rained last night, so we did not soak yesterday.  I will probably try to get in this morning.  I want to clean it, anyway.

Child is heading to the beach with my parents tomorrow.  I am worried about being away from him for a week.  That is a long time.  I am sure he will have a great time, and there seem to be a lot of good things planned. But it is a long trip, and a whole week with my mom, who is very different from us.  I did pack food and clothes for him, though my mom packed some stuff for him, too.  Feels redundant, but it will likely work out.  I still need to go blueberry picking today so that I can make him some blueberry muffins.  I promised him blueberry muffins for the trip.  We also need a pair of head phones for his electronics, so they will not annoy my parents.

I am also worried about the FET I am in.  I really want it to work, but I am trying not to be too desperate about it.  We are fairly comfortable the way we are, and we will be able to devote more time to Alton if he is an only child.  So not the end of the world if I do not get pregnant, just a disappointment.

But I really, really hope it works.  I want another child.  I have always wanted a family of four, and it is really hard to let it go.

I am also worried about the thaw.  We only have 4 left, and we are transferring two.  I am relatively sure that they will get two thawed, but I am also pretty sure that there will not be any leftover.  So this is it for us.  (Another reason I am really hoping that the cycle is successful.)

And we start PIO injections today.  That just makes everything seem more real.  I get nervous about it.  I know that I will probably end up bruised.  It has been a while since Hubby has done the injections.  I sent him a youtube video on them, so he will at least get them in the right spot.

I made the lab appointment for the pre-transfer lab draw.  I also made an appointment for a massage and pedi for the afternoon of transfer.  I also have an acupuncture appointment on Monday.  Hoping that the acupuncture and massage will help.  Monday is the closest acupuncture I could get to transfer.  Hoping that between the acupuncture on Monday, and the massage on Friday, I will stay pretty chill.  We will see.  I have call on Tuesday, and that could ruin everything.  Call has been pretty brutal lately.

I have not heard from the LPN instructor job, but it may be too early. They may not even interview until later in the summer.  If it is too late, I may not be able to do it because I cannot get out of my current job in time.  Also, I still like what I do most of the time, so I could stay where I am.  And there is always FNP school.  I could go back and get the graduate degree.  I think I am waiting to see the results of the FET before deciding anything.

So…a lot on my mind right now, and I think I have some summer-itis as well.  I am just not motivated to do anything.  I just want to do nothing and read romance novels.  And it is still another month until our family vacation.


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