Waiting again.

Now that the little embryos are in place, there is not much I can do to affect the outcome.

At least I only need to wait about a week.  Beta is next Monday.  I will have work and Child to distract me.

I have taken it easy this weekend.  I have not done much and laid around a lot since I got home.  Though it is back to work tomorrow.  And probably back to the gym.  I could use a work out.

I am trying to not read into every single twinge and ache.  I am trying to be hopeful and think positive. This could work.  I could be pregnant.  It could happen.

I am also trying to be realistic and realize that I may not get pregnant again.  And that is all right.  We have a good life with the one child we have and as he gets older, it is definitely getting easier.  If we got pregnant again, we would start all over again.  It may be good for my sanity to only have the one child. (Though I would love the chance for the do-ver.)

Hope is a double edged sword.  It can make you feel more positive about things, but coming down from it is a bummer.  It hurts if you hope too much and none of those hopes are realized.  We all know about  that.

I have also been fairly secretive about this cycle.  I only told my family about it.  If it does not work, I can grieve privately.  I do not have to feel like everyone is crowding me.  I think it also takes pressure off, too.  I do not have co-workers talking about it, or asking me about it expecting a good outcome.

Sort of freaked me out how easily this cycle came together.  It definitely decreased my stress level.  Hopefully that will help my little guys stick, and give a good outcome.

Hoping and praying and trying to keep sane while I wait until beta.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kristin
    Jul 13, 2015 @ 23:03:16

    Oh, all of those emotions and thoughts, I know it is completely overwhelming. I remember so well that guarding of the heart in hopes of not having to deal with as much disappointment if it doesn’t go as you hope. And, oh, the wait! Hoping for peace and lots of distractions!

    Reply

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