mid-cycle check

Yesterday I drove to Richmond for my mid-cycle check.

It was sort of a nightmare.  I had call the night before, and of course was called in.  I got a little sleep, but not enough.  And then I had to drive in the rain.  The good part was that they moved my appointment later because the RE had a retrieval earlier in the day.  And Hubby let me sleep as long as I could once I got home.

It was a long time in the car driving in the rain.  Morning was not too bad, but it got tough after it started getting dark about 5 PM.  I was just ready to be home and in bed.

Anyway, I have a lot of EWCM, which would be awesome if I could get pregnant naturally, but does not matter here.  The lining looked good.

They drew blood for estrogen levels.  Which came back low.  I suspect they could be low for many reasons.  I have been a bit stressed.  The tooth abscess from last week with the cold on top of it probably did not help.  The lack of sleep the night before the exam probably did not help either.  Not to mention, I am in my 40s.  Estrogen levels do drop in your 40s, I hear

So I get a re-draw tomorrow.  We will see what happens.  We may need to add some estradiol to the patches.  Not unheard of, but I feel like a failure because I do not have appropriate estrogen levels.  There is nothing I can do about my estrogen levels.  They are what they are.  And as long as the lining looked all right, I hope we will be all right.

I did get a random afternoon off today, and I managed to get an acupuncture appointment in.  Thank goodness.  I really needed it!  I was sort of a mess.  Feel much better now.  Hopefully the effects will last a bit.  I need to find my zen space.  (And maybe it helped the estrogen levels, too.  You never know!)

Trying to have faith and believe that it can happen.  Hoping that will help a positive outcome.

Hope is hard though.  I really want to stay in my safe place, thinking about life with an only and mooning over Great Dane puppies.  But I am trying to allow myself to dream a little.  One last time.  Crossing my fingers and praying for a miracle.

Trying to believe in magic.


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