So far feeling positive about my chances.  Hoping something will work, but not looking forward to anything until we get the beta back.  Trying to be in the moment.

Christmas season is the perfect time to wish and hope for something.  A good time to believe in miracles.

They were good embryos this time, and I thought it was awesome that the one was hatching!  I am doing regular acupuncture,  with moxa to assist.  I have started meditating for 5 minutes every night.  It is not much, but it seems to help.  I feel more relaxed this time around.  Maybe because I know this is my last one, whether it works or not.  It is going to be what it is, no matter what I do.  I really cannot control the outcome.

I would love it to work, for a whole host of reasons.  I want a family of four.  I think Child would make an excellent big brother.  It would be great if my RE went out on a high note, as he is retiring at the end of the year.  We were one of his last transfers. (We slipped in under the wire on that one!)  I want a do over for pregnancy and post-partum since I sort of feel like I screwed it up the first time around.  I want to try to enjoy it more, and maybe skip the post partum depression.

But I know I will be all right if it does not work.  I can continue to moon over pics of Great Danes, and I may even get one.  I can run a couple of half marathons.  (Totally want to do the Rock and Roll half in Savannah.)  Child is so much easier now that he is 5 years old.  I get to sleep the entire night through.  He is able to entertain himself.  He can work the TV remote all by himself now, and that has opened up a whole world of possibilities.  Child and I could go biking more often, now that he is on two wheels.  There is a lot I could do if I do not have another child.

I will be sad if it does not work out, and I will probably mourn the loss.  But I know I can move on, and have a full life.  I think that is a strong place to be.

Trying to stay positive and chill.  And trying not to get excited.

Trying to believe in miracles.


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